Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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