24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize