Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize