good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
