remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
