Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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