I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
