im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I could make wine with my vomit
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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