He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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