I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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