the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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