i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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