one two three fourrrrnication!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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