what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize