Are we in a gay sports bar?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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