i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
