is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize