I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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