GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
