forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
