i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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