I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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