Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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