You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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