ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
