So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
