You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
