where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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