just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
