cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
