just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
