is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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