Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
