so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
