I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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