the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize