just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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