There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
