sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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