HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
