Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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