Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
