That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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