ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
