i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
