I CAN MOONWALK!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
