He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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