i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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