I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
