I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
