So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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