We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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