did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
