At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
