This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize