if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
