Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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