We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
one two three fourrrrnication!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
