he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
