sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
