BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
