Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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