I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize