You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
