You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
