he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize