are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
