New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize