he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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