oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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