Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize