ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
