i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
