So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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