i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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