sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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