So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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