It's Friday. Sex?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
