How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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