U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
