just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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