Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
