arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
