Kiss
Puke
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
