Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
only you would photoshop your dick
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
