and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
