I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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