Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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