I should be sponsored by Trojan
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize