I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize