Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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