I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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