Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
be right there i have to get my cape
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
