so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
