R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
