Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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