based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
