I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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