i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
