Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize