No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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